Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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