And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
