Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize