Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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