Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize