Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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