I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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