Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
