I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
