i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
