you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
