I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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