its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
