just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
