I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize