He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
