Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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