Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
