this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
