You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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