so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
