Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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