My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
