girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
