im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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