Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
