I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
not ubering you a puppy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
