it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
