His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Operation Purity has been aborted
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
