We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize