when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
