im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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