its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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