No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
