I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
