Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
