facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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