She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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