i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
