im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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