i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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