Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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