New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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