she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
