I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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