probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
