sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
