If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
