I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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