Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize