I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize