No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
