i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
