The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
