He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
