i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
