I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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