since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
