I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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