There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
