Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
