I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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