Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
