I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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